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Four reasons happiness is not for wimps

“When I am happy, I see the happiness in others. When I am depressed, I notice that people’s eyes look sad. When I am weary, I see the world as boring and unattractive.” ~ Steve Chandler

Happiness is not a quality easily had by those who fear challenge and difficulty. Happiness, as a matter of fact, can require quite a bit from us if we would develop those traits that produce it at its highest potential.

In other words, happiness is not for the squeamish. It requires us to get our hands dirty in the ditches and mountain sides of life. It requires us to climb and learn and overcome and develop in ways that are not always easy. Here are four reasons happiness is not for wimps:

1. Happiness requires Humility

What it means: Humble people are teachable. They can bend and adapt as they come to see better ways of doing things. They haven’t been made brittle by the calcification of pride.

Why it’s hard: Pride is a stubborn characteristic. It solidifies us around positions and beliefs and ways of doing things. It prevents growth because it claims already to be fully formed, all-knowing and always right. Acquiring humility requires softening pride enough to crack its hard exterior. Such cracks can be humbling events, and often very painful.

How it helps: Humility is to happiness what a gym membership is to health. The gym membership will do nothing for your health if you stay home. But it’s a key to a door that opens you to the equipment and classes that can add greatly to your health and wellness if used regularly.

Humility is that same key to that same door to the personal developmental gym of life. It opens us to self-analysis, allowing us to see and admit to shortcomings and flaws that muck up the gears to happy living. It also opens us to learning from life and from the trials we experience and from other people too – all essential elements to a deep abiding sort of happiness.

2. Happiness requires moving in and out of Comfort Zones

What it means: The old truism holds true for happiness as for everything else: If you keep doing what you’ve always done, you’ll keep getting what you’ve always got. To increase happiness, changes have to occur, habits have to be formed, unformed and reformed.

Why it’s hard: We can get so used to doing things the way we’ve always done them that the force necessary to course correct can be very difficult to sustain. February is littered with the corpses of broken promises made in January. Sustained change is simply difficult for most people to keep up. Certainly there are ways of making improvements easier, but even acquiring and implementing those techniques and attitudes require effort and will and self-discipline. Steps have to be taken to learn and implement them, after all.

How it helps: Comfort zones are formed around activities repeated over time. They are the result of routine and sameness. The problem is that you can’t grow anything by continuing to do what you’ve always done. Stagnation cannot produce joy. Happiness, on the other hand, is partially the result of personal growth and development, of evolving from where you are to where you can be. There is joy in the process of closing the gap between you and your potential.

3. Happiness requires overcoming Selfishness

What it means: It is front and center at almost every divorce and is locked behind bars with every inmate. It is heart and soul of every act of fraud and theft and tyranny and oppression. It regards the self over others. It wants and grabs and takes. It seeks its own over what’s right. It sacrifices decency and compassion and love at the altar of self-indulgence.

Why it’s hard: Selfishness is the universal character flaw. It permeates the lives of almost all people to varying degrees. It lives in human nature and boils over in a culture that celebrates self-aggrandizement. Children are masters of it and is the natural order of things unless and until we are taught to be otherwise. Selfishness does not need to be taught. But compassion does.

How it helps: One of the great ironies to personal development is that the more we focus on ourselves, the further happiness drifts from us. But by losing ourselves in service to others, the more we find our true inner selves. By hoarding, we lose. By giving, we gain so much more than we give.

4. Happiness requires retraining Thoughts

What it means: Our thoughts create our reality. If we dwell on the ugly and the corrupt, on the negative and salacious, we sink in the thick liquid of anger and disillusionment and frustration, cynicism and despair.

Why it’s hard: Bad habits are hard to break. Good ones are hard to acquire. They require consistency which is hard to sustain. Habitual thoughts are harder still because they are such subtle things, sneaking in when we are not looking. Retraining our thoughts takes constant vigilance and commitment. It requires monitoring our feelings as the barometer of our thoughts and our words as the indicator of what and how we think.

How it helps: As we think, so are we. If I think life is unfair and cold and vindictive, I will feel that reality. But if I think life is an adventurous joy, that the challenges of life are meant for my good, that it is my task to figure out how life is trying to guide and direct my path, then the attitudinal reality will be completely different. And so will the level of happiness available to me.

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So Now What?

In order to have a life of growth and happiness, you must be vigilant in recognizing and overcoming the obstacles life and human nature place in the way. As you learn to recognize the trouble spots, take steps to build your ability to transcend them. Develop the characteristics that break down those obstacles.

But how?

Set goals. Make them small and incremental. Take small but regular steps toward the needed improvement. Don’t get overwhelmed by the amount of work you may have. Set the smaller goals and focus there. One or two at a time is usually plenty. The big picture will come as you lay the smaller bricks.

Will Smith’s dad once took Will and his brother to his store to rebuild a brick wall he had torn down. Will was 12 and his brother was nine at the time. They complained it was an impossible task for two so young. It took a year and a half to finish, as a matter of fact. But when they were done, their dad looked at them and said, “Now don’t you ever tell me that there’s something that you can’t do.”

They learned the lesson of one-brick-at-a-time. We can build amazing lives of deep and lasting happiness much the same way.

And in the meantime?

Enjoy the journey! Happiness doesn’t need to wait at life’s finish line of life. You can take it with you as you build happiness upon happiness, one character trait, one practice, one habit and one principle one brick at a time.

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In these gloomy, uncertain times, the ability to have a good laugh — especially at your own expense — may be essential for survival. But are people really capable of having a sense of humor about themselves?


  In the first-ever study of its kind, Ursula Beermann of the University of California, Berkeley, and Willibald Ruch of the University of Zurich studied 70 psychology students to gauge their ability to laugh at themselves. The findings support what has long been believed: that being able to laugh at oneself is not only a distinct trait, but is also linked with having an upbeat personality and good mood and may be the foundation for a good sense of humor.

在目前破天荒的首次相关研究中,美国加州大学的Ursula Beermann与苏黎世大学的Willibald Ruch研究了70为心理学学生的子超能力。结果证实了长期以来的一种看法:能有自嘲的人不仅具有鲜明的个性品质,同时还有更加积极向上的心态,这都是使 得他们具有良好幽默感的基础条件。

Participants in the study were asked to rate their ability to see the humor in their own plight. They also designated one or two friends to rate them on the same characteristic.


While the students were filling out these questionnaires on a computer, its camera surreptitiously photographed their faces. The pictures were then altered using Mac Photo Booth software to make them look like distorted, funhouse-mirror images.


Afterward, the study participants were asked to rate distorted photos of people they didn’t know. Their own stretched-out images were randomly inserted into the sequence — and that’s where the experiment really started. Participants were videotaped as they viewed the images to see whether they laughed or smiled at themselves. The videos were analyzed, using a well-studied rating system of emotional expression, to see how genuine the participants’ expressions of humor were.

随后,受测者们还被要求对于这些素不相识的人们的“哈哈镜”照进行打分。他们自己的扭曲的图像会被打乱之后随即的插入,而这时实验才真 正的开始。摄像头记录下了他们在看到自己的图像时会否开怀大笑或未向。然后,这段录像会被通过一种专门研究情感表情的系统进行评级,以便研究受测者表情上 所体现出的幽默感。

Eighty percent of participants genuinely smiled or laughed at least once when seeing their own silly image. However, those who claimed to have the ability to laugh at themselves — and whose friends’ assessments matched their own — genuinely laughed and smiled more often and more intensely than the others.


Interestingly, however, people’s sense of their own ability to laugh at themselves was only somewhat correlated with their friends’ ratings, suggesting that people either think they’re better at it than they actually are or that they want to present themselves this way.


The study found that people’s ability to laugh at themselves had no bearing on how much they laughed or smiled in response to the distorted images of others — that suggests that the phenomenon is a distinct characteristic, one linked with your own mood and personality, rather than the tendency to simply find silly images funny. The finding also underscores the link between humor and humility.


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Participants who were able to laugh at themselves more also tended to be more cheerful and less serious overall, and were in better moods on the day of the experiment, the study found.


Although studying people’s sense of humor may seem like a trivial pursuit, it has important implications for health. Laughter, smiling and optimism are linked to better overall health. And “getting” certain types of jokes requires important social skills that can be impaired in conditions like autism and schizophrenia. Understanding the mechanics of humor may shed light on what goes wrong in those cases.

尽管研究人们的幽默感看起来似乎平淡无奇,但其对于健康的影响则相当重要。欢笑、微笑和乐观的态度都与整体的健康息息相关。要听懂某些 笑话好需要有重要的社交技巧,这有助于避免自闭症与精神分裂症。了解幽默的“规则”有望帮助探寻在上述的情况中所出现了那些不好的苗头。

And sometimes, we just need a reminder to take everything — including ourselves — less seriously.

有的时候,我们需要常常提醒自己,在对待任何事物时,包括自己,都应该更加的放轻松些。 (国际在线译稿)

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     苏.沙伦巴勒吉(Sue Shellenbarger)在《华尔街日报(Wall Street Journal)》上写了一篇非常吸引人的有关被选为”最有可能成功”的人们的文章。据沙伦巴勒吉的观点,学术研究表明,事实上,那些在高中时赢得了这一头衔的人们确实在10年后比他们的同学们多赚12%的钱。在高中时具有符合与被命名为”最有可能成功”的特质的人们–受欢迎、成绩好–往往会在劳动力市场上获得回报。

而另一方面,许多人都发现这个荣誉像是诅咒。感觉就像是一个人在职业生涯中挣扎是足够悲惨的事情。如果你有这样的感觉并且你知道你所有的高中同学都希望 你成为一名富有的名人的话,这只会加深你的痛苦。不幸的是,在脸谱社交网(Facebook)时代,想要默默无声的像没有人听说过你的普通的工作以及潜在 的家庭问题那样褪色变得更加困难了。

因此,那些赢得了这项荣誉的人们应该做些什么呢?大部分有信心的人会根据自己的标准来定义成功: 过着快乐幸福的生活,投入时间去追求让他们感兴趣的事物,建立有意义的人际关系。有时候,这会导致一个人生活在一个巨大的舞台上,但有时候并不会,不过, 不论哪种情况,它都是一个很好的应该去执行的计划。有些人会把这一荣誉当作是一种鼓励或者,可能就像高中时的许多方面一样,有时候我们在它结束之后就很快忘记了。


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爱的十条悟语:如果爱 请懂得

  1. I love you not because of who you are, but because of who I am when I am with you.1. 我爱你,并不是因为你的样子,而是因为和你在一起时我的样子。

2. No man or woman is worth your tears, and the one who is, won’t make you cry.2. 没有人值得你哭泣,而真正值得的那个人不会让你哭。

3. The worst way to miss someone is to be sitting right beside them knowing you can’t have them.3. 错过一个人最糟糕的方式莫过于:与坐在他身边却知道你们不可能。

4. Never frown, even when you are sad, because you never know who is falling in love with your smile.4. 即使悲伤,也永远不要皱眉,因为你不知道谁会爱上你的微笑。

5. To the world you may be one person, but to one person you may be the world.5. 对全世界来说,也许你只是一个人;对那个人来说,你就是全世界。

6. Don’t waste your time on a man or woman, who isn’t willing to waste their time on you.6. 不要把时间浪费在那个不愿意为你付出时间的人身上。

7. Just because someone doesn’t love you the way you want them to, doesn’t mean they don’t love you with all they have.7. 一个人没有以你希望的方式爱你,并不代表他们没有用倾其所有的去爱。

8. Don’t try so hard, the best things come when you least expect them to.8. 不要这么辛苦,那些最美好的总是在你最不奢求的时候降临。

9. Maybe God wants us to meet a few wrong people before meeting the right one, so that when we finally meet the person, we will know how to be grateful.9. 也许是上帝安排我们在遇到对的那一个之前,总是要遇到几个错的,这样我们才懂得珍惜。

10. Don’t cry because it is over, smile because it happened.10. 不要因为结束而哭泣,要因为拥有过而微笑。

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Top 10 Ways to Cheer Up

Ten Ways to Cheer Up 十种为自己鼓劲的方法

Feeling a little blue? Here are ten fast and easy ways to smile.

1. Exercise 运动
When you exercise, your brain releases a chemical called endorphins. This chemical makes you feel happier. That is just another reason why exercise is good for you.

2. Play outside 外出游玩
Leave your apartment and go outside. Sun and fresh air are good for you.

3. Breathe 呼吸
If you can’t go to the gym, try taking deep breaths. Breathing deeply will relax your muscles and give you energy.

4. Play Pop Music 演奏流行音乐
Westlife, Backstreet Boys, S.H.E…who doesn’t like a little mindless pop? Listening to upbeat, happy music will make you smile. Singing along won’t hurt either.

5. Laughter is the best medicine 开怀大笑是一剂良药
Laughing is the best way to improve your mood. Children laugh around 400 times a day. Adults only laugh about 20 times a day. What happened? Be a kid for a day: play games, watch funny movies, or read jokes online.

6. Power of Chocolate 巧克力的力量
Chocolate has special natural chemicals that make you happy. Plus, it tastes so good!

7. Draw 画画
Be an artist! Draw, paint, or make something. Even if it is not perfect, being creative relieves stress.

8. Get a dog 养一条小狗
Dogs are cute, energetic, and fun. Plus, studies show that people with pets live longer and people with dogs live the longest!

9. Have a Heart-to-Heart 促膝谈心
If something is bothering you, it is a good idea to talk about it. Call a friend or relative. A good chat is great way to feel better fast.

10. Think positive 积极乐观地考虑问题
Close your eyes and think of a beautiful scene or a time when you were happy and feeling good.

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Top Four goals for Perfect Life

Four goals for Perfect Life

Healthy and Fit

The first goal common to all of us is health and energy. We all want to be healthy and fit, to have high levels of energy and to live free of pain and illness. Today, with the incredible advances in medical science, the quality of our health and fitness, and our lifespan , is largely determined by design, not by chance. People with excellent health habits are far healthier, have more energy, and live longer and better than people who have poor health habits.

Excellent Relationships

The second goal that we all have in common is to enjoy excellent relationships–intimate, personal or social–with the people we like and respect, and who like, love and respect us in turn. Fully 85% of your happiness will be determined by the quality of your relationships at each stage, and in each area, of your life. How well you get along with people, and how much they like, love and respect you, has more impact on the quality of your life than perhaps any other factor.

Do What You Love

The third common goal is to do work that we enjoy, to do it well, and to be well paid for it. You want to be able to get and keep the job you want, to get paid more and promoted faster. You want to earn the very most that is possible for you at each stage of your career, whatever you do.

Achieve Financial Independence

The fourth goal we all have in common is to achieve financial independence. You want to reach the point in life where you have enough money so that you never have to worry about money again. You want to be completely free of financial worries. You want to be able to order dinner in a restaurant without using the price listings to determine what you want to eat.

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How To Improve Your Life Starting Today

Improve Your Life Starting Today

By Mr. Self Development

I can’t think of anyone who doesn’t want to significantly improve their life.  The good news is: Every moment is an opportunity to become better than we’ve been in the past.  This is a brief article on how to improve your life starting today.  I challenge you to take action on each of these items; they will change your life if you do.

1. Become an Eclectic Reader

An eclectic reader is a reader who reads information from a variety of sources.  Reading daily from a variety of authors with different backgrounds and beliefs is an excellent way to expand your mind and change your life. It’s not necessary that you agree with “everything” the authors say; you can learn something from anyone.  Reading from a multiplicity of sources gives you the ability to take-on new concepts, thoughts, and principles that stretch your mind to greater dimensions and new perspectives, allowing you to receive ideas which have “never” been conceived before.

You shouldn’t just listen to people who you “agree” with; listen to individuals with unorthodox concepts and view points that you may oppose.   There’s a quote that goes, “If everybody’s thinking the same, then somebody’s not thinking.”  Don’t get caught up in “group thinking,” where your thoughts only mimic that of the greater population.  Use reading as a tool to give you deeper insights so you can form more accurate conclusions.

How many books or articles are you reading a day?  As many of you may know, reading is something that I love to do. I’m reading all the time; the information that I read comes from such a unique variety of authors that it would be very unlikely for someone to “in-take” this same combination of information.  This rare combination of information provides me with new concepts which have never been thought of before.

2. Meditate and/ or Schedule Quiet Time

When I say meditate, I’m talking about taking 5-10 minutes, maybe more, to silence your mind, using this time as a form of relaxation and renewal.

You may choose to utilize this time as a way of quietly focusing your mind on the images that you want to experience.  You may choose to utilize this time as a way of opening your mind to new ideas that will improve your life or solve certain problems that you’re encountering.

Your mind is always so busy; take a few minutes everyday to give it a much needed refresher.  “Time-out” is always better than “burn-out.”  Schedule “time-out” daily, if you do, you will be healthier, happier and you will have many more creative ideas to improve your circumstances and your life.

3. Start Working Out, or Increase Your Workouts

Are you giving your best efforts to your workouts?  I could personally do more, I work out six days a week, but I know I’m capable of seven.  Are you giving your best?

Working out improves your life’s expectancy, overall health, the way you look, and the way you feel about yourself.  Why would anyone not do it?

If you’re not working out, get started today; try to do at least 4-5 days a week, even if it’s only for a few minutes, learn to cultivate the joy of working out.  Don’t go around saying “I hate working out,” because you will begin to hate it.  Affirm that you “love to work out,” and you will begin to love it.

4. Spend Quality Time With The People Who Mean The Most To You

Friends and family are truly an avenue which can create lots of joy in your life.  Take time to really experience and appreciate the joy of being around the people who mean the most to you.  I’m talking about daily pre-scheduled quality time, no cell phones, no computers, no distractions, no thoughts of being anywhere else, or doing anything other than experiencing and appreciating the people who mean the most to you.

Learn from them, teach them, laugh with them, discuss deep issues, and just “shoot the breeze.”

What’s your story?  Who can you spend more time with?  And don’t say your “poker buddies.”  Maybe it’s your kid, maybe it’s your wife or husband, maybe it’s your nieces and nephews.  Let people know how much you admire and appreciate them by giving them the price-less gift of your time.

5. Enhance Your Diet

The saying is true, “You are what you eat.”   The only source your body has to re-create itself is the food that you give it, so don’t give it junk.

Do you realize that diseases can be caused as a result of poor movement of food through your body? Are you getting 100% of the fiber your body needs?  Are you drinking enough water?  Do you have a written diet plan?

Are you receiving a large portion of your calories from fruits and vegetables?  I challenge you to do so, if you aren’t.

In concluding, make sure that you observe and implement these ideas today. You have the power to improve your life forever, starting right now.

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Top 5 Fundamentals for Success in Life

What can we do to become more successful? How can we excel in all areas of life, whether professional or personal? A vast body of literature has been written on this subject over the decades, but here are five points which I regard as being fundamental.

5 Fundamentals for Success in Life

1. Be Proactive

Viktor Frankl said that between stimulus and response there is a gap, and within this gap lies all our freedom. Even as he was suffering immense privations in a Nazi concentration camp, he realized that he was responsible for his thoughts and actions and was not simply a bundle of conditioned responses.

Like Frankl, we should strive to be the creators of our own destiny, orchestrating our experience of life. Everything starts in the mind and ripples out, so what happens around us is a reflection of our own inner world. Whether we allow our inner world to grow wild, whether we let weeds spring up and take hold or whether we cultivate a green and pleasant garden – it is all our choice: this is what it means to be proactive.

2. Take Responsibility

Since we have the power to choose our experience, we also need to accept responsibility for this. Perhaps not that everything that comes our way is a direct result of our own thinking (though some might say it is) but what we attract into our life is, largely, a reflection of our thinking. Much of this occurs on a subconscious level, but the subconscious takes its lead from the thinking mind, so changing our thoughts will change our world, and we are responsible for this.

Our behavior is a natural outcome of our mental images, and so we are responsible for our behavior too, and also for the behavior we tolerate in others. If we allow others to ride roughshod over us, then we have ourselves to blame.

3. Be a Good Leader

We cannot be effective in any area of life unless we have good leadership skills. Leadership is an art and each of us needs to find our own approach to it. Primarily, we need to understand how to lead ourselves, and this means having a compass, a direction which guides all our actions. This compass often takes the form of a personal mission statement, a document spelling out the values we live by.

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As we lead others, whether as parents, bosses, in families or organizations of which we are a part, we need first and foremost to lead by example, making it clear what our values are and that we live by them. Any inconsistency in our professed values and our behavior will be spotted, seen through and will ruin our effectiveness. Personal complicity and double standards are the nails in the coffin of our ability to lead.

A good leader will lead quietly and subtly, from the rear, without fuss, without fanfare. In the words of the Tao Te Ching,

‘A good soldier does not inspire fear;
A good fighter does not display aggression;
A good conqueror does not engage in battle;
A good leader does not exercise authority.

This is the value of unimportance;
This is how to win the cooperation of others;
This to how to build the same harmony that is in nature.’

4. Don’t Let Fear Stop You

I love the movies of M Night Shyamalan. My favorite is The Village. The film is about facing the fears that haunt us and realizing that, when we do so, they disappear – nothing is as it seems. I heard once (though I can’t remember where) that the most commonly given command in the Bible is ‘do not be afraid.’

Whenever we grow, there is fear. Whenever we do something new, there is fear. Whenever we push ourselves to new heights or expand our comfort zone, there is fear. This is the nature of life. Life is always moving – either we are moving forward, growing, or we are moving back, dying. We have a choice – we can either grow or we can die. Growth and fear go hand in hand. It’s part of a package, and if we fail to embrace the whole package, we will die.

Don’t fear failure – failure is inevitable and necessary. Look at the life of any successful person and you will see a litany of failure. This failure is the foundation of success, so long as we learn from it.

Don’t fear other people. They are as vulnerable and as beautiful as you are – only sometimes they lash out in various ways to protect themselves. Everyone is doing their best, so be gentle on other people and don’t be scared of them.

When you face your fears, they will vanish like smoke.

5. Never Stop Learning

I have come to the conclusion that learning is the fundamental activity in a successful and purposeful life. If we fail to learn, we fail to grow, and this means that we die. Life gives us endless opportunities to learn, and the more difficult the situation, the more we are likely to learn.

We can learn from other people, especially difficult ones – they are like angels sent from heaven to teach us about ourselves. We can learn from the things happening around us. And most of all, we can learn by watching ourselves, seeing how we react and reflecting deeply on what moves us.

These five activities, if they can become habits, will lead to success in all areas of life. They are not a quick fix, but are the foundation of a life lived well.

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Cambridge study says running could help jog memory and help brain grow

Running can help boost your brain power and help you overcome a forgetful memory, a Cambridge University study has suggested.


Running could 'help jog your memory and help your brain grow', says Cambridge study French President Nicolas Sarkozy and wife Carla are known to be avid joggers.

Jogging a couple of days a week was shown to stimulate the brain, which led to a big impact on mental ability, university neuroscientists discovered.

The study, conducted with the US National Institute on Ageing in Maryland, found that a few days of running led to the growth of hundreds of thousands of new brain cells in a region that is linked to the formation and recollection of memories.

Running improved the ability to recall memories without confusing them, a skill that is crucial for learning and other cognitive tasks, according to the study published in the Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences.

It could lead to new ways of potentially slowing down deterioration of mental ability which can affect many people in old age.

“We know exercise can be good for healthy brain function, but this work provides us with a mechanism for the effect,” said Timothy Bussey, a behavioural neuroscientist at Cambridge and the study’s senior author.

French President Nicolas Sarkozy, 54, is know to be a keen runner and took up the excercise after marrying model and singer Carla Bruni.

The study followed two groups of mice, one of which had unlimited access to a running wheel throughout, whey they clocked up an average of 15 miles (24km) a day, while the other mice formed a control group.

During the brief training sessions, they were placed in front of a computer screen which displayed two identical squares side by side.

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According to the study, if they nudged the one on the left with their nose they received a sugar pellet reward.

If they nudged the one on the right, they got nothing.

They were then subjected to a memory test where the more they nudged the correct square, the better they scored.

The running mice scored nearly twice as high as the control group during the memory test, the scientists discovered, while the greatest improvement occurred in the later stages of the experiment, when the two squares were so close they nearly touched.

“At this stage of the experiment, the two memories the mice are forming of the squares are very similar,” Dr Bussey told The Guardian.

“It is when they have to distinguish between the two that these new brain cells really make a difference.”

The scientists also tried to confuse the mice by switching the square that produced a food reward.

But the running mice were quicker to catch on when scientists changed them around, the study concluded.

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1. Don’t Chase Anyone

“Guys are like subway trains. Don’t run after them; another one is on its way.” —canuck

    不要追着男人跑:男人就像是地铁列车一样,不要追着一辆跑,因为下一辆马上就会进站的。—— canuck 《魅力》

2. Don’t Waste Your Time

“If he says he isn’t ready for a relationship, believe him.” —Kerri Otto, 32, Traverse City, Mich.

    不要浪费时间:当一个男人对你说他还没有准备好投入一段感情的时候,请你一定要相信他!—— kerri otto

3. Long-Term Litmus Test

“Marry someone you want to sit next to for the rest of your life.” —Megan Smollins, 26, Astoria, N.Y.

    长期试金石:嫁给一个你想下半生都配在他身边的人。—— Megan Smollins

4. Heed Your Grandparents

“My grandfather had some gems: ‘Don’t be with a stupid man just to be with any man.’ ‘A real man always takes care of his family.’ ‘You don’t want to be walked over, and you don’t want a man you can walk over, either.’ And my favorite: ‘Don’t be a fool, Michelle. You can be anything you want, but don’t be a fool.'” —Michelle Porter, 28, Charlotte, N.C.

    听从老人的劝告:“不要为了只是想找一个男朋友而跟一个傻男人在一起。”“一个真正的男人在任何时候都会照顾到他的家人。”“你不想被别人牵着鼻子走,但 你也绝对不想找一个能被你牵着鼻子走的男人!”“你可以成为你想成为的一切,但是不要成为一个傻瓜!”—— Michelle Porter

5. The Necessity of Laughter

“Don’t trust anyone who doesn’t laugh.” —Maya Angelou

    笑声的必要性:一定不要去相信一个吝啬笑容的人。 —— Maya Angelou

6. Go Geeky

“The guys who were nerdy in high school make the best husbands.” —Jennifer Goldstein, 31, Brooklyn

    冲啊 书呆子:那些在学生时代有点书呆子的男生往往后来都会成为好丈夫的人选。 —— Jennifer Goldstein

7. Love Yourself

“To love oneself is the beginning of a life-long romance.” —Oscar Wilde

    爱你自己:学会爱自己其实就是一段浪漫一生的爱情的开始。 —— Oscar Wilde

8. Kindness Counts

“You can tell a lot about a guy by how he treats your cab driver.” —Alanna Sobel, 25, Washington, D.C.

    善良的重要性:你可以通过一个男人对待出租车司机的态度来了解他。 —— Alanna Sobel

9. No Games

“If he likes you, you’ll know. If he doesn’t, you’ll be ‘confused.'” —sayitloud, on glamour.com

    不要游戏:如果他喜欢你,你一定会察觉到;但如果你不确定他对你的感情,那他很有可能只是跟你玩玩而已。—— sayitloud 《魅力》

10. Believe In Your Worth

“Respect yourself. I said to my ex, ‘I’m not going to make you my everything if I’m only your something.'” —Alyssa Stabile, 19, Boston

    相信自己的价值:一定要尊重自己。如果你只是他生活中的一部分,那么也请你不要把他看成是生活的全部。—— Alyssa Stabile

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11. Try a Nice Guy

“I used to be into bad boys but kept getting burned. Then I heard this: ‘Say no to the guys you usually say yes to, and yes to the ones you normally say no to.’ I did, and it totally worked. I have a great husband now.” —Laura Knudsen, 27, Charlottetown, Prince Edward Island

    试着跟好男人交往:拒绝那些你以前经常交往的男人的类型,尝试着跟其他类型的男人交往。—— Laura Knudsen

12. Avoid Loners

“Never marry a man who has no friends.” —Father Pat Connor, 79-year-old Catholic priest, as quoted by Maureen Dowd in her New York Times column

    孤独者绕行:绝对不要嫁给一个没有朋友的男人!—— Father Pat Connor

13. Just Say No to Ink

“Never tattoo a guy’s name on your body!” —Rebekah Rankin, 27, Scottsdale, Ariz.

    对墨水说不:无论什么时候都不要将一个男人的名字纹在身上!—— Rebekah Rankin

14.Hygiene Is Non-Negotiable

“Personal hygiene is part of the package.” —Jim Carrey

    不能让步的卫生:个人卫生问题是一个男人的附属品。—— Jim Carrey14.

15. Be Yourself

“It’s OK to show up at a guy’s house with a dozen roses and declare your undying affection. It’s OK to have too much to drink and call your ex 20 times and then to be mortally embarrassed when you realize your number must have shown up on his caller ID. It’s OK, because making a fool of yourself for love is ultimately about you, how much you have to give and the distances you will travel to keep your heart wide open when everything around you makes you feel like slamming it shut and soldering it closed.” —Veronica Chambers, Glamour’s features director and author of The Joy of Doing Things Badly

    做你自己:你可以拿着一打玫瑰到你喜欢的男人门口对他做露骨的表白;你也可以在喝醉酒以后不停的给前男友打电话,并在酒醒之后因为意识到他可以看到来电显 示上自己的号码而觉得尴尬。你可以这样做,因为为爱而做傻事是一件很私人的,这是关于你自己的事。是关于在压力困境和伤害中,你可以为爱付出多少,并且愿 意为了爱去做出多少努力和牺牲的一件事。—— Veronica Chambers

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