Self-development and for better life guide

By Ali Luke

Having just started a blog with the tagline “getting more from life”, I’ve been thinking a lot about how to do this myself! A lot of personal development or change advice focuses on the longer term (especially in areas like finance or career), but here I want to look at squeezing the most from the little moments and how to feel satisfied and fulfilled in the shorter term.

Some of the suggestions below are things I’m already doing, some are ones I plan to do. I’d love to hear some of yours too, so please do add to this list in the comments, if you have any favourites that I’ve missed out!

Getting More From Each Day

1. Have a “quiet time”

Spend just ten minutes of the day in prayer, meditation or silent reflection. (I find that the best time for this is first thing in the morning, before breakfast.) You might want to read a passage from the Bible or another holy book, or you might simply sit quietly and think about the day ahead.

2. Open a book

You probably won’t have the time to read a whole novel or non-fiction book in a day – but you can at least open one. Once you’ve read a page or two, you’ll probably be motivated to keep going.

3. Walk

Most of us don’t get enough exercise. I find that I’m not great at sticking to a gym routine, but I make the effort to walk for at least 45 minutes (usually at least an hour) each day. It’s physically and mentally refreshing, and it keeps me from feeling cooped up at my desk.

4. Laugh

Laughing regularly is believed to reduce stress. Find an excuse to laugh at least once a day: watch an episode of a favourite comedy program, or look for web comics or humour blogs that you love. Don’t see this as a waste of time – see it as a way to give yourself a happiness boost and an inoculation against stress.

E. E. Cummings once said “the most wasted of all days is one without laughter.” How very true. I try to be never be too busy to laugh, or too serious to smile.

5. Say “I love you”

Those three little words mean so much to you and to the person who hears them. Tell your partner “I love you” every day, or call your parents, grandparents or other close relative.

Getting More From Each Week

6. Switch off your computer for a day

Since you’re reading this on a blog, I’d guess that you spend a fair bit of time online each week. Many of us live in a state of hyper-connectedness, which can make life feel frantic and rushed. Like our broadband connections, we feel like we’re “always on”. Each week, find a twenty-four hour period to switch off your computer and unplug completely.

7. Write a letter/card

Sitting down to handwrite a letter or card can be as refreshing as a period of quiet time. When people are inundated with emails and other electronic communications, receiving a real letter in the post is an absolute joy: anticipate how they’ll feel as you enjoy writing.

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8. Try a new recipe

Do you eat pretty much the same menu each week? Dig out some of your recipe books and make it a goal to try one new recipe each week. We did this at the start of the year, and discovered a number of new favourites.

9. Write in a journal

I’ve written before about keeping a journal, and it’s a habit that I find very helpful – when I manage to stay committed to doing it. A daily journal might feel like too much, so try setting aside 30-60 minutes once a week to sit down and write about your thoughts and experiences.

10. Finish a book

If you’re reading a bit each day, you should be able to finish an average length novel or book in a week. Pick something you enjoy rather than something you feel you should read, and ask friends for recommendations if you’re not sure what to try. Make it a paper book, not an ebook: the reading experience is different when you can curl up undisturbed in a chair.

Getting More From Each Month

11. Write a list of achievements

Something I’ve been doing on a monthly basis since the start of 2008 is keeping a list of achievements. This takes me perhaps ten minutes each month, but it’s been a huge help in not only encouraging me to strive for new achievements but also in helping me recognise and celebrate my progress.

12. Do a thirty-day trial

The idea of thirty-day trials has been popularised by Steve Pavlina and other personal development bloggers – and for good reason. Committing to something like a new diet, an exercise regime, or daily meditation is much easier when you’ve got an end or goal in sight. If there’s something that you keep meaning to do but find it hard to face starting on, try a thirty-day trial.

13. Learn something new

Each month, set yourself a specific goal about learning something new. It doesn’t need to be something big: perhaps you want to learn to use a new software package, or learn the absolute basics of a new language. It could be something hobby-related: this month, I’m teaching myself to knit.

14. Have a work-free weekend

Many of us find that work spills over into the weekend. Perhaps you have too much to do in the office, or perhaps you have a side business that takes up a lot of your free time. Maybe you’re studying for a degree or other qualification, and often spend your weekends on that. It’s not always possible to keep every weekend work-free, but having at least one work-free weekend each month can really help to improve your quality of life. You might even want to extend this further and shoot for A Weekend Unplugged, avoiding computers, television and cell phones too.

15. Volunteer

Finally, find some time, even if it’s just an hour or two, to volunteer some of your time each month. Church and community organisations are often great sources of opportunities to really get involved and make a difference.

Volunteering is unique in that it gives you a very pure opportunity to connect with people that you may never have met otherwise. I am always surprised by how much I learn about myself through relationships I never would have forged if I hadn’t volunteered my time.

By Deborah Fike

Once again, those “100 things to do before you die” lists are making their rounds on Facebook. You know, the “100 foods you should eat before you die” or the “100 places to visit before you die.” I admit that I try to cross as many as I can off the list, but inevitably, I fall short. I’ve only eaten 32 out of 100 foods against the average user at 45, and 15 places, where the average user sits at 21. Even among my friends, I generally am the least well-rounded as far as foods and traveling goes.

Of course, these lists are just for fun, but still, it got me thinking. Everyone’s got his or her own bucket list, and they must vary wildly from person to person. Is there a universal list of things everyone should try before they shuffle off this mortal coil? I would argue for the following:

1. Stand up for something you believe in.

Everyone has strong convictions: political, religious, or social. At some point in your life, pick a conviction and really support it. Volunteer at an non-profit for several years. Help a local candidate with the same views get elected to office. Convince your friends to donate money for a cause. Spread the word to as many people as you can.

Being part of a movement fosters feelings of community, and others will remember your passion for years to come. What better way to be remembered than by what you believe in?

2. Help someone in a big way, knowing you will get nothing in return.

It’s great, of course, to help people out when they need it. I’m just as willing as the next person to chip in $5 if a friend-of-a-friend has a major medical illness. However, we have opportunities to go beyond that, to really help someone out with absolutely no expectation of a return favor.

During a very rough stage in my career when the job market was tight, a man I had met at a conference years before heard about my job search troubles and helped me land a job in my field. Before he reached out to me, I couldn’t even remember what he looked like. That guy did a lot for a virtual stranger – asking his buddies about openings, putting his credentials behind me. Paying a gift like that forward is something that will stick with you for a lifetime.

3. Follow your passion to the end.

At least once in your life, you should take a chance on yourself and follow your passion. Even if it fails, even if it never goes anywhere, you should try it. It might mean quitting your job and trying out a new career. It might mean giving up your weekends for three months to work on an idea that’s been burning in your brain. Whatever it is, you will never regret the time spent to try something you always wanted to do. On the flip side, you will always wonder “what could have been” if you never try.

4. Forgive someone that did something terrible to you.

Forgiveness comes easier to some folks than others. I used to lie strictly in the “hard to forgive” category. I held onto bad feelings and let them simmer. Those kinds of emotions not only affect your relationship with that particular person, it bleeds into other parts of your life as well.

I’m still not as good as forgiving as I’d like to be, but I’ve been able to make peace with a few of the big wrongs that have happened against me in my life. I discovered that forgiveness doesn’t mean the action becomes acceptable, just that I don’t have to dwell on it. I can let go of guilt and anger and focus my energies on better things. I’ve saved a few relationships with certain family members this way. They’re not perfect relationships, but they’re better than what I had before, and I’m a much happier person overall.

5. Take a chance on love after you’ve been burned.

It’s true, love can hurt. Unreturned love is maybe the worse type of human hurt, whether it comes from a parent, a child, a lover, or a friend. I don’t know a single person who hasn’t been burned by love in some form or fashion. It’s a rite of passage of being human. But to never choose love again for fear of being hurt – that’s the worst punishment of all. After you’ve been burned, you cherish it more, you improve how you give it, and like wine, it gets better with age. Find someone worthy and give love a second chance.

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* * *

So my bucket list suggestions may not be as exciting as caviar or Yellowstone National Park, but I’d say they would have more impact on your overall life experience.

Since becoming available in the United States last July, Spotify has changed the way American fans experience and enjoy their music. You mean it’s free and I can share with my friends? A totally social experience, now with even more ways to exchange and discover music, thanks to a ever-growing collection of apps. Spotify users can browse available (and free) apps via the service’s App Finder, but we’ve gone through the trouble of giving a brief rundown of which ones are worth your precious time. There are plenty of alternative music-streaming sites out there, but for those looking to increase the credibility of their libraries with suggestions from editors at Rolling Stone, Billboard and Pitchfork, or simply want to amplify their social lives with the perfect soundtrack, read on for our picks.

PERSONALIZED

SILLY
Moodagent: Not everything has to be serious. Sometimes you are in the mood for a random playlist based the pre-determined feelings of an electronic device–who doesn’t love an angry break-up playlist? Moodagent uses its decisive powers of perception to gauge your temperament–sensual, tender, happy, angry–based on old listening habits or existing playlists. They didn’t lie about Al Green and Otis Redding putting people in the mood–is there any better way to prepare for Valentine’s Day?

Let’s say you want to become more productive

You Google “productivity tips”, and 46 million links appear. Click on a couple, and you notice most of them are lists of information, usually bullet-points like “use an organizer”, “keep your desk clean”, or “don’t take ‘Facebook breaks’ while you’re working!”.

So you try to use an organizer, keep your desk clean, and decide not to look at Facebook once every 2.8 minutes.

Do you know what happens next? It’s what happens to most people. You slowly forget…forget that you wanted to be more productive, and that you made these little promises to yourself about using an organizer.

And you’re back to where you started, except this time, you probably think you “can’t” become more productive.

Isn’t that what usually happens?

Why is that what usually happens?

People fail at change because of the way they try to change.

People simply misunderstand their actual problem. In the example above, it looks like the problem is that you just don’t “know” how to be productive.

Don’t know how to be productive? You didn’t know that using an organizer or actually cleaning your desk would increase productivity?

Of course you knew these things. And if you look up “productivity tips” on Google, you realize most of the pages are just that: telling you things you already knew.

If reading productivity tips was really the way to become productive, we’d all be pros at it about 4 articles into the 46 million on Google. But we’re not.

The actual problem is more sophisticated: you know how to be productive, but you don’t know how to make yourself do it.

But the answer to that is actually pretty easy:

The first step to changing what you do is to change the way you think. You do what you think. Your mindset inspires your actions!

In the past, you never tried to change the way you think: you tried to keep your old habits and ideas (laziness), and insert incompatible actions (trying to be productive)on top. Of course that’s not going to work.

But if you first thought, “wait a second, why is it that I have so much trouble using an organizer?”, you realize things like: “I get this emotional feeling that tells me it’s ‘too much trouble” or “it’s not any fun!”.

If you thought “organization is too important to pass up”, or “no matter what, I will be productive”, wouldn’t you naturally do the things needed to be productive?

So clearly, the right way to focus on change is to focus on your mindset before you focus on your specific action.

So how do you change your mindset?

The short answer: “The Top 3 Mindset Traits Required to Succeed at Anything” + mindset traits needed for your specific field + PRACTICE.

The Top 3 Mindset Traits Required to Succeed at Anything:

I picked these because they have been pervasive through all of the ventures I have been successful at:

1. Disinterested perspective. Not feeling like you “have” to be right about something, and being willing to jettison closely-held assumptions. You find it fun to be wrong because you learned something new.
2. Valuing success over comfortable failure.
3. Persistence; prioritizing long-term gain over short-term pain.

How you decide “these things are more valuable than thinking I’m right all of the time or laziness” is a personal decision. For me, I am inspired to write, start businesses, host a radio show, etc., because I want to spend my time only doing interesting things that I want to do, rather than have things forced upon me. Maybe for you, it’s the same; maybe it’s wanting to make more money so you can provide a better life for your family.

Mindset traits needed for your specific field.

For example: If my goal was to give a great speech, I could identify 3 specific mindsets necessary for giving a speech. I really think you could give a great speech (with practice) thinking about only these three things. Notice how they are different from “tips” that try to direct your actions:

1. Say only words that are value-added.
2. Think of speeches I’ve watched that were exceptional, and attempt to emulate them.
3. When my audience leaves, what are the 3 main points I want them to remember?

That would answer these questions that most people would try to use “tips” to solve:

1. Q: How long should my speech be?

a. A: Think about speeches you’ve watched by other great orators who have spoken on your topic. How long do they talk? What points do they emphasize?

2. Q: What should I talk about?

a. A: What are the three most important points you could make? What do I really want my audience to know when I get down from the podium?

3. Q: Should I include this example in my speech?

a. Does it add value to your speech? In other words, is your speech notably better because you included it?

PRACTICE = allow your mindset to become habit and overcome discomfort.

When I ran cross country in high school, I couldn’t run more than a mile at first. A couple months later, I could run 6 miles without stopping.

My original habit and mindset was to be lethargic and not exercise. Then, I changed my mindset to value persistence and athleticism. By practicing running, I not only got better at running, I also made it easy to develop and engrain my pro-running mindset.

Isn’t that really the same for everything? For anything you would want to do?

Conclusion

Success is a result of mindset, which naturally leads to the proper actions. Doing it the other way around leads to the all-too-common conclusion of failure, usually due to resignation (just giving up).

Luckily, our minds are one of the easiest things to change.

If goals were easy to reach we’d all be rockstars, billionaires and rocket scientists. But having dreams isn’t enough; to make them come true, you’ve got to walk the walk. And that walk can be real tough.

That’s why 92% of Americans fail to achieve their New Year’s resolutions. They know what to do – the popular resolutions are all straightforward – but something holds them back from succeeding.

You’ve probably experienced the same problem. You had a goal, you knew what had to be done but you couldn’t manage to do it.

Don’t worry; you’re not alone.

In fact, a few common slip-ups keep most people from reaching their goals. Make them and you’ll sabotage your progress time and time again. Get a handle on them and achieve anything you set your sights on.

Here’s how to understand – and deal with – the 7 reasons you’re not reaching your goals.

#1 – You Expect Too Much, Too Soon

As a generation used to instant gratification, we want it all and we want it now. There’s a reason marketers promise a flat belly in 6 weeks; a better life in 15 minutes; easy money in a few hours. They cash in on our laziness.

But the truth is, anything worth having takes time and effort. Whether you want to run a marathon or make a million dollars, think long-term. Be prepared for good days, bad days and a million setbacks on the long ride to success.

#2 – You Burn Yourself Out

Every January, gyms fill up with New Year’s Resolutioners who want to get fit “this year.” They train for hours, use every machine and work themselves to half-death. No wonder they burn out in a few weeks and never go to the gym again.

Don’t make the same mistake. A moderate, sustained effort is better than an intense burst that leaves you exhausted. Pacing yourself is crucial to achieving your goals.

#3 – You’re A Perfectionist

We often wait for the perfect moment, feeling or opportunity to take action. “I’m sleepy; if I start my essay now, it’ll probably be bad. Maybe tomorrow.”

But since life is inherently imperfect, waiting often turns into procrastination.

The right time might never come, but that’s no reason to do nothing. If there’s a goal to be achieved, don’t wait: the best time for action is always now.

#4 – You Punish Yourself

What happens when we do the “wrong thing”? Drunk-dial an ex; eat 12 muffins three days into a diet; buy a pink flamingo with our rent money?

We punish ourselves. “Why did I do that? I’m an idiot. I’ll never amount to anything; I’m destined to fail.” And once you start thinking this way, it’s easy to make more bad decisions. “I’ll be fat forever; may as well eat 20 more muffins.”

Instead of punishing yourself for bad choices, remember that you’re only human. Everyone makes mistakes; successful people just don’t think about theirs too much. Never let a few screw-ups drive you into negative thinking.

#5 – You Relax Too Early

When you start making progress, it’s tempting to let go and relax. “I worked hard to get here; I should stop and enjoy the fruits of my labor for a bit.”

The problem is, thinking this way gives you an excuse to slack off. Your mind always wants you to make as little effort as necessary. Once you have a sense of accomplishment, there’s little motivation to keep going.

So don’t relax.

Always commit to keep going until you reach success – and make an effort to maintain it when you have it. This will help you stay on your toes, build positive momentum through repeated effort and keep old habits away.

#6 – You Need Approval From Other People

Humans are social beings; we want to be liked and accepted. That’s why being admired for your achievements is such a great feeling. But relying on the approval of others for motivation and direction is dangerous.

Other people might want you to do things that make you unhappy; they might disagree with your goals or methods. When that happens, it’s easy to doubt yourself and consider changing course.

But do you really want to let other people control your life?

No matter what your goals are, the only approval you ever need is your own. Enjoy compliments when you get them, but put your own wants first.

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#7 – Resistance

No matter how motivated and disciplined you are, you’ll have off days. When they come, the temptation is to stress out. “Why do I feel so tired today? I need to feel energetic right now. Man oh man, what do I do? This sucks!”

That’s how resistance works: by refusing to accept events and situations, we make them worse. Before you know it, you’ve made yourself feel bad over nothing.

The solution is acceptance. No matter what happens, simply make the best of it. The next time you feel down, try saying: “Well, I feel tired today. I guess I’ll just do what I can and see what happens.”

Now that you know the 7 reasons you haven’t reached your goals in the past, you can stop making them. Apply this post to your life and nothing will stop you from succeeding, no matter how wild and extravagant your dreams are.

Best Office Apps for Your iPad

As your iPad gets more and more business use, be sure to have these apps to get the most office productivity possible

Of the tens of thousands of apps available for the iPad, only a relative few are must-have tools for business use. To help keep your iPad stocked with the cream of the crop, InfoWorld offers its third annual roundup of the best office apps for the iPad — some are familiar, some are new, and some old choices are no longer needed. (Check out last year’s choices.)

No doubt your iPad will have specialty apps beyond these choices to help you in your specific line of work. For this, you should peruse our “Favorite iOS and Android apps for IT pros,” and install the appropriate clients for your videoconferencing and instant messaging services. But the app highlighted here are ones almost everyone should have.

Almost everyone needs to work on Microsoft Word files, and Quickoffice Pro HD lets you do much of the editing you’d expect, including formatting. Although you can’t apply paragraph and character styles to text, Quickoffice does preserve the ones already in your documents. You also get search and replace, and direct integration with various cloud storage services (sadly, not with iCloud). Plus, there’s a Business App Store version that allows for content management by IT. But Quickoffice is not savvy about layout-rich documents, nor can it work with embedded hyperlinks.

App: Quickoffice Pro HD
Price: $19.99
Developer: Quickoffice
Compatibility: iPad and iPhone

Quickoffice’s text-editing module is great for editing, but Pages is better for documents that are layout-heavy, as the app supports multiple columns and insertion of graphics. Where Pages falls down is in not preserving style sheets, not offering a replace-all option in its Find and Replace feature, and not being able to add hyperlinks to text (though you can edit existing ones). Pages does support the Dropbox and Box cloud storage services, but in an unintuitive way. But its iCloud compatibility can be a real life-saver, ensuring all your devices have the current documents.

App: Pages
Price: $9.99
Developer: Apple
Compatibility: iPad and iPhone

Apple‘s Numbers spreadsheet editor is designed to make data entry easy, especially around numeric, date, and formula entry. The keyboard adjusts based on the type of data you’re working with. Where Excel users may dislike Numbers is in its approach to creating worksheets; Numbers allows several on a page, which can confound experienced Excel users. Also, like Pages, Numbers supports the Dropbox and Box cloud storage services in an unintuitive way. As with Pages, however, Numbers’ iCloud compatibility more than makes up for this, ensuring all your devices are current on your Numbers documents.

App: Numbers
Price: $9.99
Developer: Apple
Compatibility: iPad and iPhone

Quickoffice’s spreadsheet-editing module works very much like Excel, making it instantly accessible to Excel users. There’s also a Business App Store version that allows for content management by IT. Although it supports several cloud services, it does not support iCloud.

App: Quickoffice Pro HD
Price: $19.99
Developer: Quickoffice
Compatibility: iPad and iPhone

Simply put, Keynote is an amazing slideshow editor. I prefer it over PowerPoint even on the Mac, and on the iPad, it works beautifully, even when creating complex slide transitions and element effects. If someone tells you an iPad is just for content consumption, Keynote is all the refutation you need. And its iCloud compatibility can be a real life-saver, ensuring all your devices have the current documents. A bonus is Apple’s free Keynote Remote app for the iPhone and iPod Touch that lets you remote-control a Keynote presentation on your Mac or iPad.

App: Keynote
Price: $9.99
Developer: Apple
Compatibility: iPad and iPhone

Running Windows on an iPad can be a disconcerting experience, given how neither was designed for the other. But the CloudOn service nicely integrates the Windows versions of Excel, PowerPoint, and Word, as well as Adobe Reader, with the iPad’s native keyboard and Share facility. Plus, it uses your existing Dropbox or Box cloud storage for your files, so you don’t have to worry about version control across multiple devices. It has a few flaws, but when you need the full version of Microsoft Office, CloudOn is a very useful and usable option — as long as you have a live Internet connection, of course.

App: CloudOn
Price: Free
Developer: CloudOn
Compatibility: iPad

Many people really wish the iPad had a shared file system, like a PC or Mac. But it doesn’t. GoodReader can give you much of the file manager you want. It provides a central file repository for files you transfer via Wi-Fi, various storage services, iTunes, and the Open In facility used by many iOS apps (such as Mail). GoodReader — as its name implies — also lets you read many file formats, inclding several not supported by iOS’s naive QuickLook facility. Plus it unzips file archives as well, so you don’t need a separate utility for that purpose.

App: GoodReader
Price: $4.99
Developer: Good.iWare
Compatibility: iPad (iPhone version sold separately; $4.99)

10 smart gadgets to help you work better while traveling

Although GoodReader didn’t start life as a PDF annotation tool, it’s evolved into one. And a damned good one at that. You get all the markup tools you expect from Acrobat Professional — even the advanced editing tools — so no one will know you marked up the PDFs on an iPad. The app does a good job of using touch gestures for highlighting portions of your PDF for markup. My only quibble is you can’t rotate individual pages, so sometimes you’re marking up a page rotated 90 degrees from the orientation of the sticky notes’ text you’re adding.

App: GoodReader
Price: $4.99
Developer: Good.iWare
Compatibility: iPad (iPhone version sold separately; $4.99)

Note-taking is a very personal activity, and there are dozens of note-taking apps for the iPad that reflect all those preferences. But two note-taking apps work well for most people. One is the iPad’s built-in Notes app, which is great for typing in text-only notes and having them instantly available to your computer and other devices via IMAP, Exchange, and/or iCloud syncing.

If you want notes that include audio recordings and drawings (alas, no syncing), also get Notability. It’s straightforward to use, and can associate your recordings to what you type as you type, so to hear the portion of a recording made when you typed in specific text, just tap that text.

App: Notability
Price: $4.99
Developer: Ginger Labs
Compatibility: iPad

Who doesn’t need a calculator now and then? But the iPad doesn’t come with one built in (as the iPhone does). But you can get an iPad version of that familiar iPhone calculator for free.

App: Calculator Original
Price: Free
Developer: Spencer Brown
Compatibility: iPad

Apple’s iCloud is a great service for keeping files and other data synced across iOS and OS X devices, but it’s not (yet) a storage service where you can keep files in a central location accessible to all devices and other users. Dropbox is such a service, and it’s integrated with many iPad apps, so it can serve as a common file system in some cases. Dropbox also integrates well with OS X and Windows, appearing as just another storage volume. And it’s available for Android. Note that using Dropbox with Apple’s iWork apps requires a $5 monthly fee.

App: Dropbox
Price: Free, but charges for storage vary
Developer: Dropbox
Compatibility: iPad and iPhone

Like Dropbox, Box enjoys wide support from iPad apps, and also works in Windows, OS X, and Android. But Box does not have the simple integration with OS X and Windows that Dropbox does, forcing you to move files through a clumsy Web interface instead. But Box can be used with Apple’s iWork suite on the iPad for no additional charge, and Box offers an enterpirse version that lets IT manage access and content rights for corporate data.

App: Box
Price: Free, but charges for storage vary
Developer: Box
Compatibility: iPad and iPhone

If you’re a project manager who needs serious task management capabilities, such as timelines, multimedia annotations, multiple assignees, calendar integration, and hierarchical steps, OmniFocus is the gold standard for iOS (and OS X). (If all you need is a to-do list, the iPad’s built-in Reminders app is primitive but serivecable.)

App: OmniFocus
Price: $39.99
Developer: Omni Group
Compatibility: iPad (iPhone version sold separately; $19.99)

Cloud storage services have made FTP utilities archaic for many users, but if you work on a website or in many file-management systems, you still need an FTP client. For the iPad, that client should be FTP on the Go, which not only does the FTP uploading and downloading you’d expect but also provides a basic HTML editor so you can touch up your Web pages as well.

App: FTP on the Go Pro
Price: $9.99
Developer: Headlight Software
Compatibility: iPad (iPhone version sold separately; $6.99)

Read also

15 Best Google Android Apps for Newbies

The iPhone app store is vast and intimidating — like WalMart, but dorkier. I’m not sure these four apps will do anything to improve your quality of life, but they will give you something to talk about at your next nerdy social engagement.

Should I Break Up With My Boyfriend?

The Sonar app asks, “Ever walk into a room and wonder if you have anything in common with anyone there?” It scans your surrounding area for people who have ‘checked in’ who also share your Twitter and Facebook ‘interests’ (friends). Accounts that have mutual friends and follows will show up for your parsing, at which point you can use their Twitter and Facebook feeds to inspire innocent or insidious icebreakers. For example: You walk into a bar and spot someone on Sonar. You both follow Mindy Kaling. You check out her Twitter account — last night she mentioned going to a party with “Samantha.” You approach her. “Err, hey, did I see you last night? You were at that party with Samantha?” And presto — your stalking provides an instant in. No longer do you need to waste time forging an authentic bond with the girl on the barstool next to you. Lucky her!

iVoodoo

Perhaps the most useful app on this list, iVoodoo allows you to upload a photo of whoever you’re hating on at the moment and stab them with pins. I’ve never paid for an app before, but this one is totally worth $2.99. Good ol’ fashioned fun for your everyday sociopath — count me in.

By Ali Hale

We all have times when we need to get out of a bad mood, or escape from a negative frame of mind.

I know I need to make an effort to change how I’m feeling when I find myself spiraling into a black mood. I might be unreasonably angry, irritable or tearful. I might be in one of those moods which we all get from time to time – wanting to scream, or hit something (or someone). Obviously, this isn’t pleasant for me or for the people around me, and it destroys my ability to focus on doing anything productive.

So I’ve found, partly through trial-and-error, and partly through reading the advice of others, things which help me to pull myself out of a bad mood.

Cheering Up: Things That Work

When I need to break out of a black mood, these are great instant fixes:

• Anything that makes me laugh. LOLcats – silly but it works, and The Onion are great online sites to keep handily bookmarked for when you need a quick dose of humour.
• Hugging someone (my boyfriend, my mum…). This helps when I’m sad, not always when I’m angry!
• Reading a book. I find reading very absorbing, and a great way to forget about whatever was bothering me. I’ve been using this as a state-changing technique since my early teens! I find that watching TV doesn’t have the same effect.
• Drinking tea. Over here in Britain, “a nice cup of tea” is seen by many people as a magic cure-all whenever anything goes slightly wrong. I find that sweet, milky tea gives me the comfort hit and the caffeine hit that I need to cheer up.
• Going for a walk. When I’m getting stressed with work, or a situation in my flat, escaping improves my mood almost instantly. And exercise is a natural mood-booster.
• Taking a shower or bath. Like going for a walk, this is a great way to force yourself out of a stressful situation. I also get most of my good ideas in the shower, so if I’m struggling with my writing, it can be a great help.

Whatever activities you use to change your state of mind, they should be things that make you laugh or relax. Don’t think “I’m in a foul mood, I can’t concentrate on my work, so I’m going to do the chores” – you’re likely to work yourself into a worse and worse frame of mind.

Wanting To Cheer Up

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The main problem I struggle with, though, is that when I’m feeling very upset or wound up with something, I don’t want to cheer up. It’s hard to explain this (or even understand it!) when I’m feeling perfectly relaxed and calm, and writing an article for The Change Blog, but part of being in a black mood means feeling that I can’t snap out of it.

Rationally, I know this is nonsense: I can and do change my state to escape from a horrible mood. The hardest thing is to just remember this, and to turn to my list of “mood-breaking” activities.

One thing that does help is when my boyfriend (patient and long-suffering chap that he is) recognizes that I’m getting into a bad mood; he’ll encourage me to go for a walk or get a shower, or he’ll come and give me a hug. If you’ve got a close family member or friend you can rely on, give them permission to tell you to take a “time out” when they recognize that you’re in a bad mood and thank them (once you’re firmly back to your usual self!) afterwards…

Something else that I’m going to try is making the link between a bad state of mind and a cheering-up activity seem more automatic. For example, when I’m feeling tearful, instead of just getting more and more worked up, I’ll take a shower and calm down. If I’m getting frustrated or angry about something, I’ll turn to a good book, or to something that makes me laugh. As soon as I recognize I’m in a negative frame of mind, I’ll automatically reach for that state-changing activity. I’m hoping I can condition myself to do this almost without thinking, as once I make that first move, I’m already well on my way out of the bad mood…

Avoiding Getting Into A State

Of course, I’d ideally like to avoid getting to the brink of tears or anger in the first place. I know this means learning to recognize what puts me into an unwelcome state of mind in the first place. Sometimes, there seems to be no obvious cause (and I blame hormones) but I can usually find the roots of the problem if I search hard. For instance, if I’ve been working too hard, I’ll often “crack” at some little annoyance. If I’m feeling overwhelmed with a long to-do list, one small thing going wrong can be enough to throw me into a head-spin.

So for me, and I suspect for many people, avoiding getting into a state which needs breaking means:

• Taking regular time out to rest and recharge. And importantly, not feeling guilty about this or calling it a “waste of time”.
• Avoiding situations where I know I’m likely to get annoyed. For example, my university’s computer room on Wednesday afternoons… people chatting on mobiles in libraries is guaranteed to get me seeing red!
• Staying organized with my time and my belongings. This means I don’t end up feeling rushed or stressed because I can’t find things.

Yes, it’s all common sense, and all stress-avoiding advice that I’ve heard time and time again – but somehow, that doesn’t make it any easier to take on board!

By Ruth Harrison Moody

Discovering how to live in and with gratitude has exploded onto the personal development scene. Many of us have cultivated a deep and intimate knowledge of things for which we are grateful. This is a tremendous step towards developing a positive life. Even so, maybe its time we turned our gratitude inside out and gave it more of a real world voice.

We’ve all probably come across the idea of keeping gratitude journals, using affirmations about gratitude, and so on.  Many of us work very, very hard at being grateful, at being aware of all mercies small and large. Many of us begin and end our days with written or prayerful litanies of instance after instance, person after person for which we give thanks.

These are all good things, but having made a place for gratitude to live in our hearts, minds and souls, we’re then offered an opportunity. We can lose sight of the fact that all good things in our lives have specific sources. Many people do things large and small that make our dreams, wishes, and affirmations possible. It’s far too easy to treat gratitude like a spiritual coin to be put in a cosmic vending machine, with the actual process all too often taken for granted.

Gratitude and Others

People all around us have free will to help or ignore us; to embrace or reject our visions; to be rude or kind; to kill or cure; to love or hate; to be genuine or to manipulate; to treat us like fellow human beings or use us; to be honest or lie; to be grateful to us if we have done right by them or to hold our gifts in contempt. Everyone around us, from our partners down to the guy you literally bump into on the street has the power and the free will to choose all those things with every variation and degree in between.

The good that we strive to attract as well as the evil we hope to avoid are both, nine times out of ten, the result of interactions with our fellow human beings. Certainly, many things we’re grateful for deal with physical phenomenon. We all send up gratitude after the storm that our house was not wrecked; that the cancer that’s hounding our best friend is in remission; that our kid didn’t break her leg sliding into third; that our loved one wasn’t in the wrong place at the wrong time to pick up the latest flu virus.

Of course we’re grateful and want all good things to be enlarged and multiplied, and the gratitude we express in our prayers, meditations  and affirmations is absolutely the right thing to do; but in doing so we need to make sure that we are not just sending our thanks up and out in only  mental and  spiritual ways.

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We have the power to transform our gratitude from something which dwells inside us, changing it into that which we can bring from the inside out and offer back to the very wellsprings that quench our thirsts, heal our wounds and in general water the oasis for which we are grateful in the first place.

Yes, you’re grateful for your health, your home, your children, your job, your best friend from grade school, not to mention the fifty other things you have on your gratitude list. Yes, you are grateful. Yes, you know it–but do the people who inspire your gratitude know it?

Gratitude has a place in your heart, but also deserves to have a place on your lips and in your actions. Offering thanks is the proper response, but if you don’t offer those thanks out loud to the people who make it possible, you’re missing out on the culmination of what gratitude can really do.

Ways To Live Your Gratitude Out Loud

How do you turn gratitude inside out?  How do you make gratitude a real and specific response to the life and the people around you? First and foremost, we can say “Thank you” out loud:

• Take the time to look around your home, school, place of worship, businesses you patronize or organizations you work with. No matter who you are, someone makes things easier and possible for you. Stop and consider who is there, working silently behind you so that you can go forward.
• Kick your gratitude up a notch by calling or dropping that person’s boss a note. Your input may have more impact that you can ever imagine.
• If you’re an artist, gardener, poet, computer geek, chef, photographer—you name it –somebody made the tools that you use and somebody sold them to you. Somebody taught you or wrote the books. Nobody creates in total isolation. Let them know you appreciate it.
• Thank and compliment parents whose children behaved beautifully in the theater or at the restaurant–and the kids themselves if they’re old enough.  Your experience could have been much different. You’ll make their day, promise.
• Thank your kids for the things they do right. Explain that you recognize they could choose differently. You’re not only proud of their choices, you’re grateful.
• Carry blank thank you notes and envelopes. You might want to leave a kind word, even if you can’t say it directly.
• Birthday coming up? Make it everyone’s favorite day by thanking the people who make your life so very good.
• Got a great doctor, mechanic, therapist, grade school teacher who taught you to read, trainer, cleaning crew, World’s best Mom, sibling, partner?  Tell them why you’re thankful for them.

None of us does anything totally alone. We all have a thousand creators and helpers behind us, passing along the magic that makes possible what we create and do. These are your people, the people who make it all possible.  Don’t just be thankful for them, turn your gratitude inside out and thank all your people – major and minor, near and far. If you learn to live your gratitude out loud, you may find you have even more to be grateful for than you could have ever imagined.

By Noch Noch

Last week I started getting the sniffles. I felt a cold coming and knew I had to take it easy for the next few days if I didn’t want to get sick. But I carried on writing, thinking that I was only sitting at home and not doing much.

The next morning, however, I came down with a full-blown cold and fever and was bed bound for the next few days. As I laid in bed nursing my head and going through boxes of tissues, I tried to decipher how I had caught a cold.

I did not want to admit to myself, but I was stressed. I was annoyed at myself for not being able to even cope with staying at home and writing. However, given my overall state of weak health these two years or so, I should have known to give myself more rest than usual. I had overestimated the task of writing, thinking that I was only working my fingers on the keyboard, and forgot that writing actually expends a lot of mental energy.

I got annoyed at myself, for I was learning to put health as first priority by changing my habits, and yet I forgot the most fundamental point I keep reminding myself: listen to what my body is telling me.

My memory was flooded with times I ignored simple warning signals while I was previously working a corporate job. I accumulated knots in my lower back from wearing heels and carrying heavy bags with files as I went to client meetings. My arms were numbed from typing on the computer. My two thumbs had cramps from typing and scrolling on my Blackberry.

In Tokyo I pulled myself through working and, once I took leave, got sick. I nearly fainted in the subway station at Omotesando when I was to pick up my mother who was visiting. I couldn’t move so the doctor had to come to my apartment to see me. I had a cold every 2 to 3 weeks. I was constantly tired even though I slept a lot. My stomach was twisted in pain every now and then but I soldiered on. I was 26 years old and thought I was invincible and that I should be strong enough to get over a petty cold.

The more I ignored what my body was telling me, the more serious the warnings became. I started getting splitting headaches, then tension headaches which would last for seven days straight. The room would spin and I’d be holding my stomach in nausea while I tried to stop the pulsations in my head by hitting myself. Colds became the flu and fever. Stomach knots became more painful and frequent. My lower back would hurt even when lying down. Eventually, I collapsed. I was forced to take leave from work and sunk into major depression.

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The last 2 years, as I’ve been recovering from my physical and mental illnesses, I’ve tried to listen to my body’s physical signals. I now realize seemingly innocent colds can be signs of stress – signs that my body needs more rest and rejuvenation.

Last week’s cold was a reminder from my body that I’m still fragile and that I need rest, even from writing, even if it is my therapy. It was a lesson I had to learn again. With each warning, I learn more about my body and what it can handle, and when it is too much. Each trial and error makes me more aware of where my balance lies.